Friend insists that "elitist" friend is valuing an "expensive lifestyle" over their friendship: 'We have to compromise so much that it's barely the experience I wanted.'

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  • Pair of friends embark on a shopping spree, in a depiction from models.
  • I'm in a lucky spot where I have a good amount of disposable income, and on the weekends, I really like going out and doing things.
  • I have a friend I really care about, but our financial situations are total opposites. The issue isn't how much money they make, it's just that it's getting exhausting trying to find anything to do together. I'll suggest something pretty simple,
  • Friends enjoy ice cream cones while hanging outdoors, in a representation by models.
  • like grabbing afternoon tea or checking out a coffee shop, and every single time it becomes this massive logistical headache. My ideas always get shot down because of budget constraints, or we have to compromise so much that
  • it's barely the experience I wanted anyway. It finally came to a head recently when I suggested a nice cafe for tea, and they got upset at the prices, or I decided to just go by myself instead of changing my plans,
  • Friends try to plan a day out together, but cannot agree on where to go, in a representation by models.
  • and they accused me of leaving them out. Honestly, I'm just feeling burnt out on the planning. I want to start looking for friends who match my lifestyle more so I don't have to stress over a simple afternoon out. I just want to enjoy my
  • weekends without making them feel bad or feeling held back myself. My friend says I'm being completely elitist and prioritizing expensive lifestyle over our friendship, which makes me feel awful.
  • Coygon Why is it a huge deal to meet at Cheapco Coffee instead of Costly Roast? You say you don't want to compromise, but if you only are willing to go to Costly Roast then you are indeed being elitist. The muffins and coffee at Cheapco aren't going to be THAT much worse, and it's what your friend can afford.
  • Let them suggest a place. And then GO THERE. It seems to me that YOU are the one making this more difficult than it needs to be.
  • Even coffee can be expensive if you're barely scraping by

    Zealousideal_Top20 MBTA. Kinda depends on the specifics here. "Grabbing afternoon tea" can mean I found a cute place we can meet for a cup of tea and chat, or do a whole afternoon tea situation with the sandwiches and multiple pots etc which can be kinda pricey if you don't have a ton of expendable income.
  • I'm an attorney, and when I first started making decent money it didn't take long for me to forget that I was in a different situation than a lot of my long time friends, and casually spending £X on happy hour or something may have been a bigger ask for them then I appreciated.
  • But other times ppl would get really obnoxious about being performatively thrifty, like "yes I make more than you but we both know d in well you can afford £12 for a cocktail." Either way, it just required some conscious effort to plan events with them.
  • For you, I'm not sure why you're treating this like an either/or situation. Can't you just go to the places that are out his price range with other friends, and then do cheaper stuff with him? If not then you're probably not that invested in the friendship anyway, and will prob continue drifting apart either way.
  • G IHates Us_All I don't think you are friends tbh. He acts like a victim, you a bit like an elitist indeed, but I also suspect there is a lot missing in this post.
  • If it was about friendship any activity is okay, few beers in the park cost nothing. But he does sound ungrateful and unappreciative of that time and you do sound like you don't wanna spend money on him. Not friends...

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